40 for 40: The Crux & Utah!

Day 13, Grand Canyon South Rim area to Upper North Canyon Creek “Wash”: 40.1 miles

Wow. We had a perfect canyon weather forecast and could not have asked for better. It wasn’t cold at the start and the high down at the river would be 83 degrees with some clouds in the skies (and probable precipitation on the north rim). 

Alarm went off at 3:00 am for a 3:30 am departure from the lodge. We were slightly behind schedule and since Zach had a huge day with his first R3, we moved quickly to get to the South Kaibab (SK) TH.

We had a few miles to hike to get to SK TH. It was COLD and we walked briskly. We got to the TH and started down at 4:13 am and Zach let me lead the way. I had my new poles stowed for this first 7-8 mile descent to the river and I jogged it. I couldn’t help myself. It was a bit of effort as I was carrying a full resupply, but I only carried about 0.5L of water because I knew we would fill up at the river (and we did).

Headlamps came off pretty early as the canyon lit up and the first sun rays started playing a light show on the upper parts of the rim. The way the sun lights up the canyon rocks blows my mind away every single time and leaves me in absolute awe.

After leaving the river with 1.5L of water, Zach took off at a quicker clip and I just walked and took my time. I enjoyed the box and it felt like it took so long to get through it, but it also felt too fast once I crossed the fifth footbridge. Time moved so strangely in the canyon and in some senses it felt like it took forever, but mostly it felt like it flew by! 

"The Box"

SO. MANY. FLOWERS!

The overcast morning was a welcome gift, but after Manzanita the sun came out in full force for the big climb up the N rim. I wondered if it would be significantly harder since I was carrying so much weight. The heat plus the low elevation combined with sun and climbing made me sweat more than I had in a long while on the AZT. 

N Rim Waterfall sighting

I couldn’t believe I was already at certain benchmarks as I climbed up. It seemed to slip me by in some ways — maybe that’s because I was only crossing rim to rim once? This would be my slowest canyon crossing as well as my shortest (only one way!). But I wanted to savor being there and not have it be over. The Grand Canyon was the crux of the hike and the grand finale in so many ways.

After the bridge, the steeper and hotter section of the climb slowed me down as I felt my breathing become slightly more labored with the increased elevation. I nibbled on the most deliciously squished PB&J + banana sandwich on sourdough I packed out. It seriously hit the spot. Every single bite was easy to eat out of a ziplock baggie (kind of like a gel… just squishing it out of the bag as I took bites).

OMG THESE FLOWERS WERE EVERYWHERE!!!

I knew I would run into Zach eventually as he would be heading down, but the more I climbed, the more I realized how close we were to each other. Right before getting to Coconino Lookout near the top of the rim we ran into each other! It was such a morale boost! He told me knowing I was out there behind him  kept him going all the way to the top of the north rim. And for me, having a friend out there pushing himself with his first R3 effort inspired me and made me happy to share the canyon with him. We took a long-ish break and chatted and relaxed before I eventually sent him on his way. He had so many more miles to go still and I could stop whenever I wanted to. 

I could feel new and slightly older blisters on the bottoms of my feet and heels sting and flare up -- probably my from running down SK and then power hiking up without making any lacing changes. My feet HURT.

I finally arrived at the north rim, where there were feet of snow in areas and it just felt SO COLD! The clouds were dark and ominous and I would have stayed and celebrated or regrouped at the top of the north rim if the flies hadn’t been horrendous. They were biting my face and I couldn’t take it anymore so I B-lined it out of there and made the decision to skip the water at the ranger station and keep on pushing with my Manzanita water. I wasn’t fully aware of where the next water would be because I hadn’t planned out my water stops like I did in Flagstaff. I basically rolled the dice a bit realizing the weather was a bit chillier, there was snow all around me, and I had plenty of water in my pack. I figured I would look at the water situation once I was settled in my tent. 

After going R2R, there would have been an option to camp on the north rim or leave the park. You’re not supposed to stealth camp in the park, although it was so desolate I’m sure I could have if I needed to. 

Initially, the path was quite flat and straight and I enjoyed the aspen trees and pine tree forest. It felt a little bit like the AT in the south/fall with the smell of pine and the way the evening light came through the leafless trees at an angle.

Sometime in the afternoon around 2:00 pm I decided to take a shoes and socks off break and eat some chips. It was the warmest part of the day and the sun was in and out. I was worried if I waited too long I would be wanting a break in the rain and I never take breaks in the pouring rain. I elevated my feet and rested for a while. Eventually, I decided to use some bandaids and tape to try to cover my bottom-of-foot blisters. After carefully washing and dressing the blisters, I put my socks back on and hoped for the best. 

Those dark clouds became more prominent and the cool pre-rain breeze came. Before I knew it, I was getting snowed on! I don’t mind some snow flurries because they don’t get everything wet like rain, but then snow turned to rain and I realized I was walking through a wintery mix of random precipitation and decided to drop my back and put on my rain jacket and pack cover. 

Shortly after, I reached the highest point on the entire trail (> 9,000 feet)! and climbed a creepy and unstable lookout tower that was a bit off trail. I had read in the FarOut comments there wasn’t a view of the GC, but I could get a blip of cell service. I was in the middle of closing a deal and needed to check in. I realized the rest of this trail north of the Grand Canyon would likely have less cell service than normal, making working while hiking trickier. 

I climbed up the tower and got enough service to do a tiny bit of work email stuff and realized Venmo was DOWN! It was the first of May and much of my business is through Venmo (and I get paid on the first of the month!), so this made me anxious. My dad and I texted a little bit about the issue and he helped me some, but I knew I would need to check in tomorrow as it was too late in the day to do anything about it. It was 6:10 pm and I needed to find a camping spot.

I kept not finding a camping spot. I thought it would be relatively easy, but once I got to the park boundary the spots were taken by a few other hikers and the rest of the area was covered in snow. I kept walking and soon realized I was in a “canyon” wash type valley walking along a dry creek. There wasn’t snow on either side of me and not a flat spot in sight. I kept pressing forward as the day turned to evening and I started to get really cold. 

I tried to hold my foot still in my shoe and plant my foot carefully with my forefoot. I’m pretty sure the New Skin I painted on my feet the night prior has done nothing and might have even made things a little worse because it could have provided some additional friction. My foot blisters were really hurting me but I didn’t want to drop my back and put pants on because that would involve taking my shoes off and I wanted to keep my feet how they were and not rock the boat. I knew the tape had been sliding around some on my left foot, but the situation seemed stable enough and I was too cold and it was too late in the day to take the time to address my feet. That was something I could do when I got to my tent.

I continued to not find a camp spot in the wash and looked at the elevation profile in FarOut. In a few miles there was a bit of an uphill and I knew there would be a good camp spot up there with pine trees based on looking around at my surroundings. But I also knew I would be hiking in the dark to get there and it had already been a very long day.

I was starting to feel hungry and I came to a wider section in the wash and saw a fire ring. I made the decision to call the flat-ish spot by the ring my home for the night, even though it was far less than ideal and would be a very cold place to camp. It was 7:33 pm and I would need to get my headlamp out if I didn’t just call it quits here. I felt a little blasted from being so cold the last few hours. Washes are sketchy as any amount of AZ rain can ruin your day and even be dangerous depending on the storm. There had been clouds all evening so I knew precipitation was probable. Washes also trap a lot of moisture, making them colder than higher ground and a definite tent condensation-producer. The snow all around and saturated ground also didn’t help! Basically, this was by all accounts, the worst spot to camp, but I just knew I needed to be done. 

It was freezing, but I set up my tent before putting on pants. I swiftly moved through my evening camp chores (tent, rainfly, 4 lazy stake jobs, cook, let pot of food finish cooking inside sleeping bag, put on warm layers, gather all trash from the day to put in trash ziplock, gather all food from pack pockets to put in my odor-proof food baggie for the night, make morning smoothie, send my “end of day” check-in to family from my Garmin InReach, and then eat delicious miso ramen…). Tonight, eating wasn’t too hard. I was hungry. It seemed like my messages weren’t going through with my Garmin InReach to my dad because I didn’t have a satellite connection due to being in this mini canyon. I put on many layers and prepared for a very cold night at 8,820 feet.

Lungs ok, not amazing today. Seemed better than last time I was at 9k’ leaving Flagstaff a week prior, but tough to tell. I had some stinging nerve pain in my upper back/neck region, but today was my first day without K-T tape and my neck mobility has improved significantly since prior to Flagstaff.

I was more tired during the first 20 miles of the day at lower elevation, which is unusual because usually I’m pretty perky in the morning and my energy wanes from 2:00-4:00 pm before I hit a second wind. But my afternoon miles just glided by with ease today and if I was hiking, I barely noticed. My body was just doing. I need to stop resisting stopping to put on layers so I can be more comfortable and not suffer needlessly, and probably hike better and longer. 

For the first time in my entire life, I got into my sleeping bag with my hiking socks ON. I just couldn’t deal with examining my blisters and figured if the sock stayed on, the tape or Band-Aids would stay in place enough and hopefully be okay. EVERY night on trail the first thing I look forward to is taking my shoes and disgusting trail socks off. But I just couldn’t deal with my feet tonight. Toward the end of the day, the right blister on my heel seemed to be getting not worse, so why get in my head about it?

Camp by 7:35, dinner 8:10 pm, sleep 9:30. 

When I looked at my total mileage for the day I was shocked. 40.1 miles through the Grand Canyon! This was my longest day ever hiking with a pack, and I didn’t even mean to go that far. But it felt right. The Grand Canyon has vortex healing powers and I know there are some wounds around my age that push me out to trail. Turning 40 this year has been haunting me, so I do what I do and fill up my calendar with big things to think about instead of my ticking biological clock. Might as well live as much life as possible while I’m unattached. But having such a wonderful day through my favorite place and clocking 40 miles doing it felt like the Canyon was whispering “it’s okay to be 40 years old this year,” by pushing me to hike 40 miles. I felt like it healed part of that wound for me in a subtle way and was grateful my body can almost effortlessly backpack 40 miles. 

Day 14, Upper North Canyon Creek “Wash” to…Wash w Chap ~31.5 miles

OMG!!! It was absolutely freezing this morning! I was able to sleep really well until about 1:30 AM and was able to go back to sleep, but was definitely feeling some of the discomfort of the lumpy ground underneath me and general leg fatigue. I was also a little bit cold but it wasn’t bad. I was so so so grateful I ordered a pair of leggings for Zack to bring to me at the Grand Canyon. The double pants made such a huge difference in my comfort. I finally started stirring around 4:15 am but wasn’t quite ready to greet the day as I didn’t feel like I had enough sleep. Finally, around 4:40 am I got up to pee and commenced packing up. 

I took about 45 minutes, which is a little bit on the longer side, but when it is this cold, I think that is probably my usual amount of time. Everything just takes longer in the cold. It was around 20° this morning and because I camped in the coldest place imaginable, a wash, my sleeping bag had some condensation on the outside and my rain fly was covered in frost (as expected). I was able to get down 2/3 of a smoothie, which is all I had prepared, (seems to be a good amount as a full liter is a lot of liquid first thing in the morning, making me have to pee a lot). Peeing when it is cold is quite uncomfortable, obviously. I am satisfied with my new glove system. I dropped my Specialized neoprene gloves with Zach (along with iPad, extra food, and 3rd pair of socks) and decided to use my 2nd pair of socks (my camp socks) over my glove liners with my Gortex mitten liners on top for a triple glove/mitten hand-warming scenario.  

Taking my tent down, specifically dealing with the stakes and poles, is my coldest morning chore (unless I have to deal with harvesting water, which I typically just don’t do first thing in the morning anymore because it’s too cold). The triple glove situation was quite comfortable walking this morning. I also layered my Buff over my face, which warmed the air I was breathing and felt nice on my lungs, (plus puffy jacket, beanie, hiking pants). I did not want to take off my leggings, but I knew better than to keep them on while I was hiking as I would become too hot and have to change in the cold. I just wanted to clock some morning miles without having to stop in the cold. 

Getting out of my sleeping bag is the absolute hardest part of my day every day, but especially this morning. I even visualized what it would look like if I hiked with my sleeping bag cloaked over me and my pack like a big blanket and I thought, if it gets too much colder, I could definitely do that. Last night I had to fidget with the zipper on my sleeping bag because I had unzipped it all the way when I was in the hotels. I used my sleeping bag as a blanket to minimize using the heater in the hotel room. I really struggled to get the zipper going again and was about to give up and use it without being zipped up, which would’ve made for an even COLDER night. Luckily, after about 10 minutes of trying, I finally got it! Phew! 

I have also been struggling to get all of my dinner down even though when I finish the day, I am hungry and I know that the calories are super important for the next day. Part of this is because the pot of warm Ramen noodles in my hands or cradled in my feet or in between my legs in my sleeping bag feels sooooo nice. I don’t want to eat all the warmth and I want to savor the warm pot for as long as I can. I try to convince myself I’m just transferring the warmth from the pot to inside of me, which is partially true, but as far as cold feet go, ramen in the belly doesn’t do a whole lot. The car windshield protector thing I have is super clutch on top of my sleeping pad and I wish it was a little bit longer so I could stretch out all the way, but I am able to comfortably lay in the fetal position with the roominess of my warm sleeping bag on my double sleeping pad and be okay.

There’s nothing I love more than frozen mud! The landscape was icy, snowy, and muddy for a few hours in the morning, but frozen mud makes me smile. The amount of mud and snow during this section is reminiscent of what a normal trail might have for mud and snow (and nothing close to what I had to deal with south of Flagstaff).

The Aspen trees today and yesterday were so beautiful and I especially loved the way the evening and morning sunlight shine through them. There are still many conifer trees, which don’t lose their leaves and instead drop nice piles of pine needles for soft ground. They also shade the forest and block the wind. I was loving my morning as there was not much wind at all.

About 1 mile into my day, after leaving the wash and hiking up the small mound where I had wanted to camp, I saw another hiker packing up his tent. We chatted for a second and I definitely realized I had the colder night down below in the wash.

I love how my pack feels on cold mornings because I have 90% of my clothes on and I’m carrying my water filter, battery packs, phone and inhaler in my jacket pockets which just spreads out the load and makes the pack itself feel a lot lighter. I wonder if this is what most hikers or dudes feel like with their lightweight packs? No wonder it is easy for them to cruise with no poles because on these cold mornings, I don’t use my poles either. I stick them under my armpit, put my hands in my pockets, and just cruise. Everything feels easy because the pack is so light.

I took a pit stop on a beautiful overlook called “east rim” because I had cell service! I needed to address the Venmo shutdown and respond to some clients. The service flitted in and out from 2 bars LTE to SOS randomly, so I tried to stay focused. I hate stopping so early in my day, but I didn’t think I would have service again until maybe tomorrow. 

East rim

The hiker I passed in the morning strolled up to me while I was working on a picnic table and we chatted a bit. He was so bewildered about me and came at me with so many questions: “Where did you come from? Where did you sleep the night before? You weren’t at Cottonwood with the rest of us…” (Cottonwood is the campground in the Grand Canyon where all the AZT hikers camp if they don’t cross the canyon in one day. It makes sense because it allows the hikers to fully enjoy the canyon over a 2-day period). I explained I came from the south rim and I saw him doing some math and he exclaimed "that's a huge day!" I explained I needed to do a little work on my phone but I would catch him later. 

I was surprised he caught me this morning because usually when I see hikers packing up their tents in the morning I never see them again. 

I pressed on after my little work session and eventually stopped to take off layers. The day was heating up quickly (as AZ does). I still had water from Manzanita in the GC and did a little bit of water recon. I planned to stop at a “tank” about 11-ish? miles later.

Dark clouds began to scatter the horizon as I rolled up to Little Pleasant Valley Tank. I was 100% out of water and also hungry for a smoothie stop. Chap (the hiker I had met earlier) was chilling at the pond with his tent out to dry so I followed suit. I wanted to take my socks and shoes off, but again refused to look and kept my shoes on. 

I had a really difficult time harvesting water with my Platypus and Chap offered for me to use one of his Smart water bottles to get the water. It was much easier, but the access points to get this water combined with the amount of algae floaties made me wince at how my water filter would handle this water. I needed water so I had no other option and was beyond grateful to use Chap’s bottle to get water. 

The dark clouds made it seem like there would be rain soon, so I threw on my enormous pack cover and tied my rain jacket around my waist before leaving the water stop. Chap mentioned he has been hiking 25-30 miles/day and that he had thru-hiked the AT and PCT, so I figured he could keep up with me. We left the water stop together and I hiked out in front. We chatted and told stories for hours, which really helped make the burned, sunny, barren, rolling hills fly by. 

We stopped for the day around 6:30 pm as Chap likes to end his day and eat dinner in daylight (it's quite nice!). My feet were hurting and I wanted to save 35 miles for Saturday as it was Nick’s 35th birthday, so I called it a day too. I also relish any chance I get to camp with another hiker for a variety of reasons: it feels safer, it’s more fun, and it’s so rare out here, hay que aprovechar! 

I ate beans and rice and loved it. Chap and I chatted until 10:30 PM from our tents! I am the person he has hiked with the most out here and so this was the most convo either of us have had in days. There’s no cell service out here and we also never got rained on!

Day 15, Last day! Wash w Chap to Northern Terminus (Utah!) + some miles…and then… Page: ~37 miles

I did not get enough sleep! I slept as well as I would expect considering the ground was comfortable and the temperature quite reasonable. I woke up once around 1:30 AM and went back to sleep and woke up again at 4:45 AM and laid there with my eyes closed for a few more minutes and then finally got up to pee and began my morning pack-up routine. Chap was a little behind me in his packing up routine and made coffee and offered me some. I poured some into my smoothie as I knew I still had a long day ahead of me and felt I was running on empty energy-wise. I was tired, my legs were sore, and my feet still blistered. I bid Chap adieu, but figured he would catch me at some point and we could finish the trail together.

The first few miles of the day were mellow, shaded, and comfortable. I had real cell service for the first time in a long while and called my parents and talked about my Grand Canyon crossing. It was really nice to have an expansive long morning update with them as I knew once I finished I would still have a million logistics to figure out and might not have the bandwidth for this type of conversation. While I was chatting their ears off, I continued straight on a dirt road and missed the turn for the AZT. I realized it felt different at an intersection later on so I checked the app and realized I was off trail! It wasn’t too bad of a detour, but probably a good 15 minutes before I was back on trail, which was not great for such a long day.

I also called Zach to get his full Grand Canyon R3 report and it was so exciting to hear his reflections, excitement, exhaustion and reverence for crossing that big ditch! It was wonderful to catch up on the phone, but having my phone out of airplane-mode that long was a bit overwhelming. My phone became flooded with texts, emails, and other notifications that I was unable to respond to while I was still pushing to the finish. I slowed down a bit to savor the service and did some work while I walked. I hoped this slow down would cause Chap to catch up so we could finish the trail together.

Somewhere around late morning around maybe 8:30 AM the sun came out in full force and I took my pants off and lathered up in my “white paint” (as Chap liked to call my zinc oxide sunscreen). My feet were definitely hurting, and it would’ve behooved me to remove my socks to let my feet breathe and address hotspots that were brewing. I have straight up avoided looking at my feet for 2 days now because I’m worried that once I tend to them, I will begin to baby them and seeing the damage might make me feel worse than I actually feel. While hiking, they seem to be okay, but when I am stumbling around camp or laying in my tent, the pain seems to be a lot worse. It’s as if my body knows to block out some of the pain receptors while I’m hiking, but once I start to relax and take a break, the pain noise gets louder. This is probably why I am avoiding taking breaks and nursing my feet because I need my body to just stay a little bit more calloused, hard, and strong as I finish out this hike!

I passed the first few water spots as I still had about 1 L left in my Camelback and pressed on in hopes the morning wouldn’t be too hot.

It was pretty hot! The sun was really intense, and the flies were constant and annoying (another reason why I didn’t want to take a break!). The landscape was full of burned trees, which made the walk feel very exposed and a bit like a slog.

I realized at some point I had accidentally dropped one of my sock-glove/mittens and hoped Chap would pick it up (and catch up to me). I sort of figured it was okay if I never saw them again because today was the last day and I could figure it out, but at the same time, I was so proud of how warm my hands were in this new system and didn’t want to lose my Gortex mitten liners (I don’t think REI makes them anymore!).

I putzed around and listened to some podcasts as I watched storm clouds form in the not-so-far distance. I even heard thunder a few times to my west and kept wondering if I would get caught in it. I was kind of hoping to get rained on at this point because it was so warm and sunny and I didn’t have to hike tomorrow so it didn’t matter if my gear and feet got wet. 

All of a sudden, Chap came around a switchback and I greeted him with a “did you see my glove-sock thingy back there? I think I dropped it!” He tried to play it off like he had no idea what I was talking about but then he told me he had indeed found it and brought it to me! Yay! I asked him if he was interested in finishing together, because finishing a thru-hike solo (which I did on both the CT and the AT) is sort of anti-climactic. Luckily, for both the CT and AT I had fanfare at the finish (Red Stripe with her rockstar finish-line-picnic and birthday celebration will go down in history as the best trail finish ever and my parents were at the AT finish line waiting for me and I loved having them there to witness the hardest hike of my life). 

Chap said yes to finishing together so we hiked together the rest of the day. He kept suggesting we arrange a shuttle to pick us up at the terminus, but I had given up on trying to find a shuttle because they were all so expensive and people in the AZT FB group said hitch-hiking to Page would be a breeze from the parking lot. So I convinced him to wing it with me and just hitchhike and not make any finish line plans...

At some point we both needed water because I hadn’t stopped all day and it was only getting hotter. We began to look for water at the next water icon on FarOut and according to the comments and the placement of it on the map, the water was a bit off trail… but where? The side trip was hot and we were hungry and tired and ready for a break! We did a little bushwhacking and still, no water source. After consulting with FarOut, we realized there was another water source “Wildlife Tank” 2.7 miles further. Since we were ready to break, we found a shade tree along the trail and had a nice snack break to gear up for the next 2.7 miles. 

I made the mistake of taking my socks and shoes off. I used a wet wipe to clean my feet as much as I could and pondered whether I should put more tape and bandaids on my feet. The bandaids definitely made my feet smell rotten and they clearly didn’t work, so I just let my feet dry out and breathe for the first time in 2.5 days and decided to put on socks sans tape for the remaining 16-ish miles of the day. We still had a huge day to hike, but feeling so close to the end made me feel a little celebratory a little too early. 

We pressed on 2.7 more miles to the wildlife tank which also involved some off trail bushwhacking, but it was much easier to find (once we figured out how to go in the right direction and the GPS on my phone caught up with where we were…).

This "tank" was more like a man-hole well with cold clear water! Yasss! We filled up, filtered and I yearned to be inside the tank and submerge myself in the water. It was SO hot and I knew a little cold plunge could do me wonders. Chap said he would help me and so I went for it. He held me by my arms and lowered me into the hole (which didn’t seem to have a bottom, so thanks for not dropping me, Chap!). The cold plunge was spiritual. It was incredible. I needed that mini-bath so badly! My feet and legs and hips were so grateful to be submerged in ice cold water. 

My feet were never the same after this. Blisters started popping up left and right. My legs and feet started to not function correctly and I felt as though I was hobbling on stubs instead of walking on feet. I think the cold plunge signaled to my body that it was time to recover, but in reality I still had hours of hiking left and I needed my body to cooperate!

The trail started to feel hard and 8 miles to the terminus felt like an eternity. What was with all this climbing? I thought today was supposed to be all downhill! I was so grateful to have Chap telling me stories from behind to distract me from the hobbling of my body and the blisters on my feet. I would occasionally tell him “my feet really hurt!” and he showed me no mercy as his feet hurt just as badly. We kept going. There were so many times I just wanted to sit down at the end. 5 miles left. We got this! This is easy! But my body was doing the shutdown thing. 

With 3 miles to go to the terminus, I started to baby myself and let myself go mentally. I just wanted to be done. I just wanted to sit down on the side of the trail and maybe put up my tent, crawl into it, and just live there. I actually couldn’t imagine finishing anymore because my feet and body were hurting so badly. I had mentally let myself go and was crawling around in my own pity cave.

We were walking through a brushy creek bed “wash” for a while at the end with no views around at all. There had been a majestic ring of storm clouds around us all afternoon in every direction, and somehow we managed to stay right in the center of the ring of storms and not get rained on. I kept hoping maybe we would see a rainbow.

All of a sudden, on what had to be the last awful, rocky climb of this whole trail, we crested the top and BAM! THERE WAS UTAH!

The view at mile 2.8-ish from the finish was absolutely SPECTACULAR! I couldn’t believe how red the rocks were in this golden hour stormy light and how vast the view was. I thought the finish would be this brushy washy BS of AZ, but the view of Utah suddenly made me so full of gratitude to be there. I could see the dirt road at the bottom of the hill and knew that was our finish. Just a bunch of rocky switchbacks with gorgeous wildflowers and views to cruise down and this whole thing would be OVER! 

I hobbled and then started jogging. The running motion felt better on my feet and legs than stumbling around like I had broken legs and feet. That didn’t last terribly long, but the excitement of the finish pumped some adrenaline into my system and I knew I could make it! (I mean, I always knew I could make it, but I had turned a bit soft later in the day and wanted to feel sorry for myself and just lie down and quit…). 

We finally arrived at the finish! I got a little bit emotional as I saw the monument and walked up to touch it. This trail had taken me 13 months to hike since I started last March. My “why’s” have shifted and evolved over time and my relationship with the hike became about so many things I didn’t even know about when I started. Most recently, it had allowed me to process some grief around finding love and becoming a mother, and in particular my age. Giving myself the gift of time to feel the full spectrum of feelings around these tender subjects allowed me to move through them in a huge way. 

I no longer feel like I am under a heavy storm cloud with a ticking time bomb screaming at me about my biological clock. The heavy sadness of that storm seemed to empty all its rain in the form of tears as I approached the Grand Canyon, and afterward, I felt a tremendous sense of peace. The fresh feeling when you are newly healed from a deep wound is so blissfully sweet and crossing the canyon was like crossing to the other side of acceptance. In many ways, getting to the other side of the Grand Canyon was symbolic for me in this healing journey.

And when healed from a wound, it seems like the world suddenly conspires and opens new doors! I had been so sad about not having anyone to be at the finish line for my double SCAR FKT attempt in a few weeks, and I turned to Chap (who had quit his job to hike and loves trails) and asked him if he wanted to be at the finish of SCAR x2 for me. He didn't hesitate and wholeheartedly agreed! We hadn’t known each other but 2 days, but we were excellent trail companions and I knew he “got it” (what I am trying to do in the Smokies) and could help me in ways many could not.

The monument was a moment, commemorating the end, but it was not the end of our day (or our hike). We took some pictures, met some day-hikers in the parking lot and realized we needed to hike 2 more miles to the next parking lot to optimize our chances of a hitch. TWO MORE MILES! It began to rain on us now that we had finished, but not enough to warrant doing anything about it. My body and mind were DONE, but luckily Chap was still mission-focused and proceeded to call some shuttles (which luckily I had saved their numbers). We didn’t have enough cell service to look up numbers, but we had 1 fleeting bar that allowed Chap to make a few calls and eventually we got Tom to agree to come get us in 2-3 hours (and then drive us an additional hour to Page).

We contemplated just camping at the TH, but the weather forecast a few days prior showed an insane front coming through and we would likely have to spend the whole day waiting for folks to go do their hike before getting a ride out of there. We were both so eager to have a real meal and a shower, we splurged on this shuttle and waited at the TH. The two miles to the next TH were not easy. My body wanted it to be over and my feet were falling apart. 

When we got there, the sun had set and we took shelter under a small shed porch and I got into my sleeping bag and ate chips. I thought about cooking some ramen while we waited, but never got the energy to do so. Eventually, TOM SHOWED UP! We got into his pick up truck and told stories and I researched restaurants that would still be open until 11:00 pm so we could get a meal in! 

Suddenly… we were in STOPPED traffic. We waited for a long time there before someone communicated to us that there was a fatal accident and we would be waiting there until at least 2:00 AM. We were only 9 miles to Page and “15 minutes” and we were totally stuck! Noooooo!!!!!! AppleMaps showed a re-route that was 4-5 hours around. I just wanted to eat, be warm, and be clean!

Finally, Tom mentioned there was a dirt road we could veer off on that would circumnavigate this wreck and bring us to Page. "YES TOM! Let’s go!" He mentioned it would be “spicy” in sections and he had never driven it at night, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to be making progress to Page. 

He was NOT kidding about the spicy sections! I was in the fetal position in the back seat of the truck completely unable to watch. It was terrifying and I kept asking “was that the spicy section?” To which Tom replied “not yet…”!!! As we approached the “spicy section” there was a "kid" in a sedan with a totally cracked windshield coming the other way. He looked like he had died and came back to life and as we talked to him, I knew the spicy section would be very spicy, but was glad to be in a high clearance truck with a local. 

We survived the off-roading to Page and miraculously made it to a Mexican restaurant in Page before they closed. We ate, shared a celebratory margarita, and then had to continue walking with our packs to our hotel which was about 1 more mile — at MIDNIGHT!

After a kiosk check-in process and the sad realization that the laundry at our hotel was out of service, I finally got the shower of a lifetime (which was really more like a pre-shower rinse) and a warm, clean, bed to sleep in.

Retired shoes didn't come home with me

Contour Airlines... sus but we made it!

Sleeping on my pad on the next flight... pure exhaustion

Coming back home was wild. Everything was so green and it rained for two days. I laid on the floor of my condo and cried when my roommate hugged me and told me “You did it! You did it!” I didn’t quite know what to do with myself and have slowly been emerging. I am still eating some of my trail food (omg I finished with an absurd amount of food) and need to make my way to the grocery store. My roommate has been putting fresh smoothies and curry in front of me because it’s clear I’m still not fully transitioned to being back yet. 

I have a pulmonologist appointment next week to run some tests on my lungs and investigate my health to feel comfortable embarking on SCAR x2 in a few weeks. My feet miraculously healed in a few days and the blisters are but faint memories and small calluses. My hips sometimes still feel it and my neck and upper back don’t like computer work. But all in all, I am in tact, alive, and filled with immense gratitude I got to hike 400 miles in AZ this spring without compromising my work that I cherish and love so dearly. Looking forward to getting reacquainted to running and braving H-E-B soon! Thank you to all for the incredible support. I felt so held by my family, community, and friends and can’t thank you all enough for sending me love and check-in messages. It meant the world to me even if it took me a few days to reply. <3 

~ Sprout