Hot, Hard, and at Home on the AZT

so fresh and so clean clean

The stats: Four days, 94 miles, ~17k feet ascent and ~14.5k feet descent. Sunflower to Washington Park TH.

of course I have a spreadsheet for my hike

I'm back on the Arizona Trail! This time, with more gear (primarily a rain jacket, Garmin InReach — which allows for texting while in the backcountry, a warmer sleeping bag, and a double sleeping pad system for increased warmth). I've also “padded” my schedule a bit more to allow for time to resupply and recover AND work and take student calls on my town days and not try to rush and cram it all in within a 5-hour window (yikes 2024!).

I feel SO. Much. Better. about this hike this year. While maybe I was in better shape last year (debatable?) and my motivation felt initially stronger last time, but this time, my steady mind feels unrushed, relaxed, and so immensely grateful to give myself this gift. I was really ready for a break before I left Austin. I was feeling socially maxed out and spread thin, work was all-consuming, and I craved some alone time — where no one or nothing depends on me or needs me. Just big expansive time with me. To exhale. Literally. And forest/desert bathe.

I know how good it is for my soul to carve out big chunks of time to walk with my pack on trail by myself, but sometimes I forget all the benefits until its happening. But at least my inner knowing remembers and prioritizes it when I'm off trail.

Day 1: Sunflower to camp spot with a sunset view. 18.2 miles

Day one was hard. After about 4 miles my legs were already hurting, and my pack felt heavy. I felt like I was moving kind of slow and I definitely had not found my rhythm. This day was all about acclimatization. I had remembered that it took me exactly one day to adjust on the PCT last summer and by day two I was feeling good again.

Luckily, I finished out the day with only one new ailment. I smashed my pinky in a gate (AZT has so many gates!) and the pain from my pinky nail was pretty excruciating all day. It made stuffing things in my pack super painful. But I kept reminding myself to be grateful, because if my worst ailment was my pinky nail, I was in really great shape.

I had been worried about my lungs leaving Austin as I had to take prednisone to calm down a respiratory flare up prior to leaving (and delaying my trip by a few days). When I left Austin my breathing was back to about 90%. Not entirely “good,” but as my friend Nadia told me “Jackie’s 90% is like most people’s 110%!” I laughed but there is definitely some truth to that and so I kept this mantra close throughout the day. It made me smile and I could hear her saying it in my mind.

I started the day at the same time as another AZT thru hiker, Bumblebee (a 40-year-old woman and first time thru-hiker from Phoenix). It was so wonderful to share some miles with another hiker! We stayed together for maybe an hour and then I ended up moving a bit quicker but she would catch up to me at the water stops. We decided later in the day to camp together. I thought I would only go about 15 miles to ease into my hike a little and not kill myself day one, but she encouraged me to press on with her 3.5 miles past the last water stop and straight uphill the whole way. I am so glad I continued up that 3 1/2 mile climb because I hit a second wind once the sun started going down after about 4:00 PM.

I had forgotten what this kind of heat felt like, what it felt like to sweat like this and drink so much water. I was guzzling out of my camelback and so glad I had a hose bc it allows me to sip water more constantly. My previous pack allowed me to more easily reach my side pockets to grab a water bottle, but this pack (grumble grumble) has the worst side pockets ever. I hate it when a newer version of a piece of gear downgrades, but I made peace with my pack before I left Austin so it wouldn't frustrate me on trail.

Oasis! By FAR best water source! “Mini waterfall”

Bumblebee and I had an absolutely epic campsite on a beautiful overlook with a gorgeous sunset! It was so nice to get there at about 5:30 to have plenty of daylight to set up my tent and figure out my pack and systems again. I made a few changes this year, so things were not exactly where they always used to be and I found myself having a total pack explosion on this first day. The weather was pleasant (almost warm?) and I didn’t need to rush and take cover in my sleeping bag STAT (which I usually need to do on so many hikes!).

sunset from camp

Bumblebee and I stayed up late chitchatting from our tents to each other and it was really nice to have company out there! When I woke up, I began packing in my usual fashion (although taking my time somewhat to become reacquainted with my stuff and system). I was all packed up and ready to go but I had not laid eyes on my water filter that morning. I mean, the pack exploded and I carefully put everything in its place, so where was my lifeline? I began to slowly panic as I searched everywhere it could possibly be. Still no water filter. I must have left it at the water stop 3.5 miles straight downhill. Ooof. Extra miles already on day 2? I did sooooo many bonus miles last year and didn’t want to repeat. Plus, a 7 mile run down and hike up to start the day would really be extra…

Bumblebee was slowly peeking her head out of her tent and when I told her I needed to run down to the water stop from yesterday, she assured me that she had seen it the previous night as we cooked dinner. She remembered it attached to my platypus bladder. When she mentioned that image, I vaguely remembered it too. I had filtered water to cook dinner last night…But as I searched and searched through my stuff and unpacked everything again, I still could not find the water filter! Finally, with a completely empty pack, I reached down to the bottom underneath my trash compactor bag lining (which everything goes inside usually!) and felt my water filter with my hand! I never put my water filter in the body of my pack, so this must have been a very mindless moment. And for it to fall all the way to the bottom under the liner was odd also. Usually, it is in one of my exterior pockets as I need to use it regularly throughout the day.

I was so grateful and relieved to have found the water filter and packed up my stuff and set out for my day. I bid Bumblebee farewell, and hoped I run into her again later down the trail as I will be taking a few days off to do some work later on. (But I have not seen her again so far).

Day 2: Camp spot with Bumblebee to  Brush Springs, 27.1 miles

Day two was absolute euphoria! I hiked 27 miles when I had only planned on 18 to 20. I didn’t feel like stopping. Even at the end of the day, I refused to turn my headlamp on because I didn’t want to stop to take off my pack. I night hiked in the dark, feeling the rocks and trail with my feet, using the moonlight, and was just having so much fun!

The morning miles flew by. The Mazatal Ridge marked this day so I had views and mountains and beauty all around me. This part of the wilderness was stunning. The first half of the day was overcast, which made the temperature unnoticeable for much of the morning. Once the sun came out (around noon), it became very warm.

I cherished EVERYTHING about today. I would stop to rest my feet and soak them in water sources whenever possible and use the time to filter water. My water filter seemed slow, but I didn’t mind. I used the quiet stillness to lay down and look up at the swaying trees and just catch up to myself.

Best source! Yay flowing water!

Water sources were bleak and not frequent at all. I don’t want to run out of water in the desert, so I usually carry more water than is necessary. The next water source on the map is not guaranteed. Searching for water sources on FarOut has been a bit challenging because the icons for water are hit or miss, and there are sometimes sources not marked on the map. So planning for water is tricky and I am defaulting to carrying way more than I’m used to. I’m probably carrying 4-5 L at a time (which is an extra 10-11 lbs!). It’s heavy! Nearly 1/3 of my pack weight is water.

I was feeling so full of energy and I just kept thinking to myself that I felt like I was home. Like I had made it to my own personal heaven on earth. Time flowed, miles and steps flew by unnoticed, and my spirit was blissed out. All day. Usually I experience rollercoasters within a day, but I felt on top of the world and in my happy place the entire day. Eventually, the sunset was so beautiful and the trail became less technical and when a slight decline presented itself, the trail basically begged me to run. I began running to the sunset.

As I rolled into Brush Springs, the next water source and camping area,  there was a large trail crew camped out, so I pressed on as there was no available space. It was now dark and I began climbing out of that little valley and eventually happened upon three AZT hikers who were finishing up dinner on the side of the trail. There was one little spot left for me right next to another girl. Her name was Capo and again, it was nice to share the night with other hikers. I had not seen anyone either day the whole day while I was hiking.

As I was setting up my tent, it was getting pretty late and I did not have it in me to cook dinner. I settled on eating a Bobo‘s bar for dinner, and knew I would just need to eat quite a bit more the next day to make up on calories. I just didn’t have an appetite and I was too tired.

Then, I had another panic. I could not find my “important things” bag or my pink crocs. These two items live on the top of my backpack so I immediately assumed that I must have left them at the last water stop 3.5 miles behind. There was no way I was going back now, it was way too late. It would have to be a morning adventure. I did not particularly want to add an additional 7 miles to the next day, but maybe that was karma for pushing such a long day today for no reason.

Capo encouraged me to keep looking around and suggested maybe I left it over by where the gang had been eating dinner. Doubtful, bc I remember standing there talking with them with my pack on the whole time. But I finally did a lap around the tent and found that I had dropped some of my things on the other side of the tent earlier when I was unpacking my pack!

Thank God! I was so relieved I did not need to do an additional 7 miles the next morning (AGAIN!). The important things bag has my battery packs, wallet, first aid, inhaler, and glasses. It was critical, and there was no going on without it. Wow! Two days in a row of absolute panic about leaving my stuff behind made me realize I needed to be a lot more cognizant each time I leave and land someplace to make sure I take a few extra seconds to check that I have everything.

The moon!

Day 3: Brush Springs to Pine TH, 26.7 miles

This was absolutely the hardest day. I did another long day of ~27 miles in extremely low elevation, very rocky terrain, absolutely no shade, and scorching hot temperatures. There was one section where I had to do a 20 mile water carry through the heat of the day and the lowest elevation and it was really tough. I felt nauseous from heat, exhaustion, and dehydration most of the day. I was not peeing enough and I was drinking and carrying so much water.

At one point, I ran out of water about 1.5 miles away from the next source. Many of the reviews on FarOut said the water source was plush so I felt confident there would be water there, as it was a spring near a campsite.

My left toe started to really ache with some arthritic pain related to my bunion. The bones in my feet and especially that toe were hurting whenever I put pressure on them. My feet were sore.

The water sources are like this y‘all

The entire time I was experiencing all of this physical pain, I never wavered  in my pace or mental state. I felt in control of everything and the kinds of pain I was feeling were all familiar and did not rattle me. As my sister said, “hot and hard — where you excel!” This is true, so I harnessed that mantra to keep propelling me forward. I was intentionally practicing feeling comfortable within physical pain and discomfort. I did not want to let the physical ailments I was experiencing translate to suffering. I pride myself on having a practice to increase my tolerance for discomfort. It allows me a deep well of inner peace, and a feeling that I am invincible. I know I am not, but this feeling kept me moving during this intense heat and kept me eating when I thought I might puke. I needed to feel like I was as tough as ever.

Toward the end of the day, I began descending a very techy rocky hill for a few miles. In the middle of the descent there was a spring and I was desperate to get there and not have to drink cow pond water. I began running a little, but I would stop every so often to make sure I didn’t somehow miss the spring turn off. I did NOT want to hike back up this gnarly stuff. I felt I was getting closer, and phone in hand, I turned a corner and heard the LOUDEST sound imaginable. I let out a piercing scream as it startled me so badly. I looked up and it was a cow, right in front of me. I had scared her as I turned the corner and so she jumped and her VERY loud jump made me want to crawl out of my skin. I began talking to the cow to reassure her that we just startled each other and she decided to walk/jog away. Just beyond that was a camping area where the spring trail cutoff was, and the first human I saw all day was standing outside his tent. He said my scream scared him out of his stupor and he came to make sure I was okay. But then witnessed the cow and I having a friendly conversation so the two of us had a good laugh. I then filled up all the water I could from this delicious spring as I only had about 3-4 miles left in the day.

Finally made it to a spring toward the end of the day! Yay!

Day three ended at the trailhead near Pine/Payson, AZ where many hikers get off. I had contemplated getting off and according to my original plan, I had planned on getting off here to hitchhike into Payson to get my resupply box, but according to my tracking information, my box was not there yet, and the expected arrival was not until the next day. Also, my hotel was not answering any phone calls so I couldn’t change the date for my reservation. Additionally, I hadn’t eaten dinner the prior night so I had extra food to last me one more day. There was a trailhead 22 miles north of this highway intersection that was pretty accessible to Payson and I somehow found the loveliest Trail Angel of all time to agree to pick me up the next day. This allowed me to make this first stretch longer mileage-wise and earned me a zero day in Payson to sit out the terrible weather in the forecast!

Day 4: Pine TH to Washington Park TH, 21.9 miles

Day four started out so easy. The miles flew by and I easily clocked 10 miles before 10 AM (“10 before 10” is a thru-hiking metric of having a stellar day). I eventually stopped at a beautiful creek (or river by Arizona standards) as it was the BEST water source I had seen since I started. I took my time hanging out and soaked my feet even though it was early and I wasn’t feeling uncomfortable or needing a break. I just had to savor this water source!

Filtering water all of these days was taking SO long and I was getting frustrated because I didn’t have my syringe to back flush my filter (I mailed it in my resupply box). Each water stop was easily taking about 30 minutes just to leave with 1 L of filtered water. These water filtering breaks were sometimes too long for my liking and the filtering process required 15 minutes of intense grip strength to apply pressure to the water bag. My hands would get really tired after a while and I wanted my breaks to be more restful.

The rest of the day I spent up and down and along the Mogollon rim. Wow! When I first saw it, it took my breath away. I wasn’t really expecting it. My buddy Nick has run the Mogollon 100 mile race, and from everything I know about it, that course is technical, rocky, steep and slow. I’ve considered it for myself because it falls right around my birthday and doesn’t have the high altitude of Colorado, while still managing to get tons of elevation gain. But after my time on the Mogollon rim today, I’m not sure I want to run 100 miles up and down that thing. YIKES!!! Thank you, next.

I knew after the Mogollon rim, the rest of my hike will have insignificant elevation changes (aside from the Grand Canyon!). I began to look forward to the easy miles ahead of me after this resupply!

This day was full of shade (!!!) and I was so grateful to be more out of the sun. It must’ve been deceiving because I didn’t put on enough sunscreen and I definitely got more sunburned today.

Some wisdom from the trail has begun to emerge as well.

I let go of all fear out here. I have to surrender to the wild. I decided not to be afraid of the elements, the terrain, the wildlife, or even the people. When you release all fear, infinite capacity emerges, a deep well, to pull strength from, to relish every challenge and look forward to the next one. And when I release all fear I find I can love everything. I am in love with absolutely everything. (Except for flies. The small annoying ones and the big biting ones).

cool tree bark

I love that what I’m doing is largely invisible. In a world where everything you do is basically public knowledge, spending so much time with only myself in a place entirely off the grid has helped me reach within to know who I am even more. Out here, there is no reward or “kudos” for charging up a tough steep climb as hard as I can. In fact, no one will ever know about it. I will likely even forget about it. But this idea that I have no witnesses brings forth all of me. And I get to decide when and how much to push and rest and how far to take it. This well I can pull from is seemingly infinite. I don’t know that I’ve ever really reached its limit. Sometimes I push toward the limit because in the search for it there is much to be learned. But, in a 400+ mile undertaking, often I’m keeping my limit out of sight because I know many days lie ahead. But that doesn’t mean each day I’m not pushing myself. I am. And this well of strength and power comes from me and is for me only. It’s kind of remarkable.

Rock close-up. Love the colors!